I Wish

This year has been quite the adventure. SO many things going on and I am not being very good to write or update any of it. I must say part of that is because it has been a year of hard trials for me, but I won't go into that because it really doesn't matter.

I finally graduated, Todd graduated from high school, my baby got her driver's license. My husband just bought his first real fun toy for him since we have been married, a Spyder motorcycle. I had braces put on my teeth. We just got a new kitchen a couple of months ago and we got to go on one of the funnest vacations of all. We went to Disney World for ten days. It was so fun.

Among all of the main events that have happened in our lives, it has been a hard year. I have struggled with so many things. Some of them very personal and other ones just stupid. It has been hard on me to see all of my kids grow up. I will be sad when they all move away. They are my life, what I have worked for my entire life and my love. Along with this trial, there have been many others along the way but I won't even start into them. I have learned a lot from all of these. I have learned to trust in my Heavenly Father and that things aren't going to be easy at all but that he is there to help me along the way. I have learned how important real friends and close family is and that we are here for a reason. I have learned how hard it is to see your kids struggle with life and their many trials that they have to be put through.

I love my life, but I have learned that this year has been a testing time for me and I am sure it is not over. Can I meet up or do I give in? I know my answer. I hope you have gained new ambition in your life and in your trials, because I have also learned that everyone have trials and they may look harder or easier than our own but they are just as hard to that person.

I have also learned how much I cherish the perfect day!!! and how in a small way the imperfect day are important too but just not cherished as nearly as much.

I also feel like I am in this body that doesn't feel this old but is starting to look this old and how did I get to this point, because I still feel like I should be 25 or 28. I am so excited for all I have learned and for each new day and for the time I have to spend with those I love.

I know this has been a big blog of rambling, but this blog is for me to be as a journal and sometimes you have to figure no one really cares but these are things that I need to write. Thanks to all of you who do REALLY care, it means a lot.

Just Get Back Up

This is the story of MY life.

I had an experience last week that I just need to write about because some day it might just help my kids to hear this story.

It was fast and testimony meeting at church and the spirit just kept telling me to get up and bear my testimony, but I kept avoiding it. It is hard for me to get up but I finally gave in. I started to walk up the aisle as my heart was pounding and all of a sudden I realized that my whole leg was asleep and I figured just keep walking it will shake out. Well, needless to say it didn't.

All of a sudden I went flying through the air. I have always imagined if I fell that I would not remember anything but that wasn't the case. I remember seeing everything going flying as I flew through the air. It was scary. Before I knew it I realized that I was on the floor and that I hadn't broken anything that I could tell.

I remember thinking to myself what do I do now. I just have made a fool of myself and the whole bishopric looked like they were going to have a heart attack. Well, I put on a fake smile and walked the rest of the way up to the pulpit and bore my testimony. The first thing I said was "if you were asleep you aren't now". I can't believe after all of that I was able to get up and bear my testimony. How humiliating, how humbling!!!!

When I sat down, my husband asked me if I broke anything. I replied, " just my pride." It was a very hard day for me. I just kept thinking about what I fool I had made of myself. I know that I am a little crazy but to have everyone know it now, was not what I had in mind.

I hope that I can always remember and teach my children that when you fall and you will so many times, you need to get up and do your best and make the best of the situation. As a little girl, this is one of the things I remember most about what my dad taught me was that you can't just stay down. You HAVE TO GET BACK UP!!! This summer has been a very, very hard one on me and maybe it is for me that I had this happen, so I can remember I just need to not give up but get back UP!!!!

My Happiness, My Joy

This is a picture of my family. We had pictures taken just before AJ left in December and I am so GLAD that we did. This picture says it all.
My family is my happiness, and my joy. Without them I wouldn't be anything. They have been my life, my job, my ambition for over 24 years. Each day brings new challenges and also many great rejoices. This last year has been so hard to have AJ gone but it has made us grow stronger and closer together, it has strengthened us. I can't say it has been great but I wouldn't want it any other way. Many times I find myself looking around and wondering why and I know it is because there is someone missing. AJ is with us wherever we go.
I truly am blessed to have the greatest kids. I must say they are not perfect but pretty close. There are days that I say is it all worth it but they keep reminding me constantly in so many ways that it has all been worth it.

Many years ago, I decided to stay home and not work and be with our kids as they grew up. At that time it was very hard for me because I am quite social, but I do not regret any day spending with them. They are my everything. Our family has been blessed so much by this great opportunity that I had to stay home. We haven't been the richest but we have always had what we needed and my kids know that mom is there for them. I hope and pray that I have done and taught them everything that they need to know for this life. I greatly miss my kids being small and easy to snuggle with and hold but I am so glad for the great adults they are becoming and the love that they share to those around them. I hope somewhere they have learned a little from me being there for them. I am very GLAD to be a Glad.

I can't believe he is so big!!!

This week, I have been remembering when my kids were little and some of the memories that we have had through the years. This is my little AJ. Isn't he the cutest?

As I was thinking about him, I was remembering the day that he scared me to death. My husband was gone to drill and AJ was about 10-12 months old. I heard him scream and went and checked on him and decided to bring him back into my bed with me. After he had been in the bed with me for a little while, he quit breathing. I didn't know what to do or what was wrong with him. I screamed for help, but there was no one to help me. I remembered the CPR class that I had just taken a couple of weeks earlier and tried to focus on what to do. By this time he was starting to turn blue. I started to give him mouth to mouth. I was able to remember what needed to be done and he finally started to breathe again, even though it seemed like and eternity. He was so limp and lethargic and this scared me too. I called my husband and wasn't able to get a hold of him but told them to tell him to meet me at the emergency room and that it was an emergency.

At this point, my husband was very shook up and came home and picked up my oldest daughter and took her with him. He felt like he wanted to be with someone if it was very bad.
They ended up not being able to find out what the problem was and sent us home after some tests.

There is no way to tell you how hard this was on me. For a couple of months afterwards, I continued to have nightmares that he died. It was awful. When you think that you have almost lost a child, it is the hardest thing you could imagine.

One of the hardest thing about this experience is that it happened a couple of more times before they found out what was wrong with him. He ended up having seizures and would quite breathing. They put him on medicine and after about three years he grew out of it.

Any time a mother goes through something like this with her child, she grows so close to them. I was worried every second. AJ is such a very special young man and we are so blessed to have him and we feel so lucky. Anyone that knows him will agree with me, there is just something very special about him.