Saturday, May 2, 2009

Why is it so hard to say "NO"?

As a parent there are times when you just have to say those words," NO". Some of those times are when they are little and they want more and more cookies, or they try to get out of their car seat or they are running around the house with a pair of scissors, or trying to cross the road without watching for cars. " NO, NO, NO".

Through the years there are so many reasons that these words have to be said. As my kids get older and older some times I can't see the reason and they can't see the reason why but I just feel like the answer is " NO". It is so hard to tell a teen that always does what they are supposed to do and never gets into trouble that the answer is " NO". This happened to me lately and many times actually but just lately, one of my teenagers wanted to do something with their friends and I just knew the answer was " NO", but more than anything I wanted to say " YES". He is such a good kid and he should have this freedom. He was very disappointed and that makes it even harder for me.

I will never know why I felt like " NO" was the right answer but maybe that is good that I never had to find out. I just hope that some day he realizes that it is just because of love for him that those words were said.

Some day maybe when he has children of his own, he will understand but for now he just has to trust that we are the parents right now, even though this job is not fun at times. I must say that I am so LUCKY to have the best kids that have grown up to be wonderful teenagers.

17 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I think No is probably one of the most important words a parent can tell their children.

I work with teenagers who have never been told no, and when they get told no by teachers or their boss, they freak out.

Loralee and the gang... said...

My husband knew from an early age that when his mom said no, it was for a good reason, even if he didn't ever know what the reason was. There were many instances in his older brother's and sister's teenage years (he's the youngest of 7) where she told them 'no' and then something terrible ended up happening to the friends that they were planning to be with! So saying 'no' has never been an issue in our house.
Getting them to keep their rooms and bathroom clean, well, there's another story. Any advice?!
:~D

Angel said...

I know what you mean. Saying no is the hardest, but most important thing to say when it comes to our kids.

Congrats on school! I am so excited for you! I can't wait to hear about your placement for the fall. :-)

Carolyn said...

That word is the bane of my existence.

I never seem to use it at the right time or place. Always too much or too little.

Maybe when I grow up I will be as sage as you. :)

susette said...

For you to have such an overwhelming feeling to say no was definitely the Spirit giving you promptings. So let them just understand where your feelings are coming from. There will be many times they will want to spread their wings and it's a challenge to let them go. Be brave at times and have trust and faith that they'll be smart and make good choices. If we never let them fail how will they learn from their mistakes?

Fiauna said...

You've got to trust your mommy gut, the whisper of the Spirit. No is no. Sometimes that's all you've got. I admire your strength to say no when even you didn't know why. Way to go.

Pancake said...

you HAVE to trust the spirit.

I have always tried to say yes to the things I could, so there werent as many nos....

Heatherlyn said...

Being structured and disciplined is the hardest part of being a parent. I think that as parents we want to give our kids everything they want. NOT spoiling kids is the most difficult thing!

JUST ME, THE MOM said...

I know just what you mean, I think it's that MOM's INTUITION. Seriously, sometimes I just know something but don't really have a logical reason. But I think it's always best to act on those instincts.

I'm just always grateful when I do HAVE those promptings, and try to remember to act on them.

((hugs))

Kristin

Lara said...

Excellent post. And I know that someday your kids will understand and do the same thing to their own children. I know I resented my mom in her strictness, but now I am very thankful for it.

Anna said...

I hope I can follow your example and say No even when it doesn't make sense and is hard.

KC Mom said...

Oh how I can relate. It's so hard. I was just thinking this last night as I was talking to my senior...my senior who turns 18 and graduates high school in two weeks, who will be an adult and can pretty much move out and do whatever she wants. She wanted to go somewhere last night and it was somewhere I didn't want her to go...I told her know. I felt like I was spanking an adult. It was the strangest feeling. I can't stand having to say no and yet I can't bear the consequences of not saying no.

-Melissa- said...

Sometimes is the hard to say no to our kids especially when it doesn't make sense. But I know we have to trust our mommy feelings.

Rae said...

I think those No's that are unexplained are most often the Spirit trying to warn us or caution us, so I say bravo for you listening to that. I can remember a couple of times my mom said no to certain things--while also telling me she didn't understand why she needed to, just that she DID--and finding later how well-founded she was.

Kathy B! said...

Stay strong, Kate. I completely agree with Kristina. I think No, painful as it can be sometimes, is often the better choice.

Karrilyn said...

hey you are so grate and I am grate full when you fllow what you feel becuse it benifts me in what I do and don't do so thanks for watching out for me I love you and are gratful for the things you do every day !

Cyndie said...

You are such a great mom and a wonderul example. I think your kids are lucky to have you!